more of what to exclude when you’re expecting

in earlier articles, i’ve rambled on about what types of products to exclude when you’re expecting, but this is a list of consumables, activities and such that you should exclude while expecting - for your health, and for your baby’s.

if you’re pregnant, you’re probably absorbing a lot of information from books and the internet right now, so chances are you’ve seen some, if not all, of the items on this list. but if you do learn something, great. and if not, maybe you’ll just have a chuckle or two.

REALLY Obvious Things to Exclude When You’re Expecting
(The I’ma slap-you-in-the-face if you do this stuff stuff)

Drugs - HellOOOOOOOO!
Alcohol - Fetal Alcohol Syndrome anyone?
Smoking - Would you give a baby a cigarette?
Heavy Lifting - Getting your butt off the couch is about as much lifting as you need to do.
Prescription & OTC Medicines - Must. Ask. Doctor. First.
Caffeine - Starbucks will make pretty much any of their drinks sans caffeine, so no excuses.
Excessive strenuous exercise - Now is not the time to take up extreme sports.

Somewhat Obvious Things to Exclude When You’re Expecting
(Stuff you oughta know, but hey - it’s your first time to be pregnant)

Sushi - It’s a no on stinky, raw fish for now.
Tuna - Speaking of fish, you should limit your tuna intake to once a week. Folks within breathing distance will thank you too.
Unpasteurized milk or juice - Chug on something else.
Soft cheeses and runny eggs - Yes, that does mean no feta.
Too much salt - It’ll make you swell up and have feet like Shrek. Not pretty.
Extreme temperatures - Do what you can to avoid freezing or overheating. I live in Texas and had summer babies two years in a row. It’s a wonder I survived.
Stress - HA! good luck.
X-rays - Hmm, nothing cute to say about x-rays really.

Not-So-Obvious Things to Exclude When You’re Expecting

Laying on your back - get used to sleeping on your side while pregnant. Throw down some dough on a really good pillow.
Mega-doses of Vitamin C - don’t OD on the OJ.
Deli meats - I considered saying “no deli for your pregnant belly” here, but I decided against it.
Herbal remedies - hippie chicks, ask your doc first.
Bad dental hygeine - toothbrushes and toothpaste aren’t that expensive.
Hair color - pregnancy reprograms your hair. Red may be blue. Brown may be green. (If you shop at Hot Topic, this may not concern you.)
Sex - hehe, gotcha! You don’t have to avoid sex, but if you’ve lost your mucus plug or your water has broken, take a cold shower instead.
Latex paint - you are dying to paint the nursery, aren’t you? Just don’t do it without proper ventillation, and take plenty of breaks for fresh air.